Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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