Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
