i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
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There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize