I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
whose parrot is this?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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