You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
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I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
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I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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