I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
