sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
