sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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