Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
did i walk over a car last night?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
