fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
