yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
