I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
there is glitter all over my balls
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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