Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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