My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
