There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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