This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
