ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
