Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
