can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
