i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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