I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
