2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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