There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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