Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
