You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
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Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
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If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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