My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
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He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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