And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
