That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I did not marry a roomba.
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