dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
