You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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