guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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