So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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