I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
