Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
