its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
