My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
