So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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