I wish I could punch you in the face.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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