I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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