he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
