id be glad to
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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