Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(970): View more from Colorado

She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag

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(970): She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag http://tfl.nu/lpir

Replies (10) Good night (1017) Bad night (2639)
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(514): View more from Quebec

in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview

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(514): in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview http://tfl.nu/us78

Replies (19) Good night (952) Bad night (3509)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.

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(202): For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well. http://tfl.nu/xnfi

Replies (46) Good night (4331) Bad night (1825)
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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number

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(709): I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number http://tfl.nu/l21z

Replies (12) Good night (5406) Bad night (1415)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed

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(604): his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed http://tfl.nu/zsvf

Replies (20) Good night (1068) Bad night (4648)
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(513): View more from Ohio

If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would

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(513): If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would http://tfl.nu/dfsx

Replies (7) Good night (3553) Bad night (978)
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(283): View more from Ohio

she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.

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(283): she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love. http://tfl.nu/fwj8

Replies (8) Good night (4365) Bad night (754)
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(360): View more from Washington

Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.

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(360): Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink. http://tfl.nu/zpxh

Replies (8) Good night (784) Bad night (1466)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.

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(973): I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian. http://tfl.nu/8wfu

Replies (10) Good night (2002) Bad night (511)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon

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(202): When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle. (202): We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon http://tfl.nu/62rc

Replies (6) Good night (1454) Bad night (468)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.

(512): View more from Texas

That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?

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(508): I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur. (512): That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot? http://tfl.nu/yofn

Replies (10) Good night (2825) Bad night (628)
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(240): View more from Maryland

I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.

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(240): I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber. http://tfl.nu/iuw9

Replies (4) Good night (572) Bad night (289)
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(801): View more from Utah

At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.

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(801): At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good. http://tfl.nu/03g0

Replies (1) Good night (485) Bad night (563)
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(337): View more from Louisiana

How's the hangover?

(1-337): View more from Louisiana

I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.

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(337): How's the hangover? (1-337): I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should. http://tfl.nu/4fpy

Replies (1) Good night (708) Bad night (501)
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(914): View more from New York

She's been drunk for three days now

(914): View more from New York

Like three straight days. 72 hours

(914): View more from New York

She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey

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(914): She's been drunk for three days now (914): Like three straight days. 72 hours (914): She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey http://tfl.nu/7xto

Replies (5) Good night (904) Bad night (215)

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