Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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