I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
