I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
