Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha