Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have so many feelings about this burrito
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
