Texts From Last Night

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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.

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  (978): I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work. http://tfl.nu/5w8x
  Replies (16) Good night (2315) Bad night (737)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.

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  (828): just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot. http://tfl.nu/vfy9
  Replies (26) Good night (12249) Bad night (795)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.

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  (713): She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife. http://tfl.nu/71gc
  Replies (24) Good night (5534) Bad night (730)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew

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  (360): i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew http://tfl.nu/ocbg
  Replies (45) Good night (23985) Bad night (1190)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen

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  (619): well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen http://tfl.nu/rvwe
  Replies (42) Good night (1101) Bad night (5366)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I don't wanna die...

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  (423): I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!! (615): I don't wanna die... http://tfl.nu/h1ht
  Replies (10) Good night (6825) Bad night (1286)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.

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  (440): I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise. http://tfl.nu/okxz
  Replies (13) Good night (5523) Bad night (1254)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.

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  (505): We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness. http://tfl.nu/4wfs
  Replies (12) Good night (2980) Bad night (727)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.

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  (678): I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school. http://tfl.nu/ax1k
  Replies (14) Good night (3986) Bad night (926)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard

  (1-417): View more from Missouri

  Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.

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  (417): I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard (1-417): Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming. http://tfl.nu/52u7
  Replies (2) Good night (1177) Bad night (1481)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.

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  (248): Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose. http://tfl.nu/kcg6
  Replies (8) Good night (1458) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore

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  (440): The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore http://tfl.nu/1tsb
  Replies (4) Good night (870) Bad night (367)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!

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  (925): I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation! http://tfl.nu/pdgh
  Replies (2) Good night (381) Bad night (272)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.

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  (479): I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap. http://tfl.nu/23la
  Replies (4) Good night (579) Bad night (444)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada

  (1-604): View more from British Columbia

  PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES

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  (604): The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada (1-604): PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES http://tfl.nu/q2yd
  Replies (1) Good night (681) Bad night (195)

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