Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(910): View more from North Carolina

i should start naming my morning wood

(201): View more from New Jersey

great idea but wrong number

Fav 24 8645 1447
share tweet
(407): View more from Florida

We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.

Fav 14 5082 1229
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(505): View more from New Mexico

All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.

Fav 9 3082 1391
share tweet
(859): View more from Kentucky

She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.

Fav 3 1086 2139
share tweet
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(914): View more from New York

We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.

Fav 15 887 1764
share tweet
(804): View more from Virginia

of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.

Fav 2 1717 832
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(323): View more from California

I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw

Fav 8 1047 1503
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(931): View more from Tennessee

Playing nyquil pong with a cat again

Fav 2 918 735
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(206): View more from Washington

I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM

Fav 5 481 643
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT