well I can't set my house on fire every night
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.