you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.