Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(360): View more from Washington

afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.

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(616): View more from Michigan

I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.

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(408): View more from California

You drunk yet?

(925): View more from California

Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.

(408): View more from California

Cant make any promises.

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(727): View more from Florida

he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(443): View more from Maryland

There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.

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(213): View more from California

My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Except there is my pee all over the walls now

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(512): View more from Texas

Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever

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(707): View more from California

I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.

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