1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
