Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
