About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
