guys are only as good as the porn they watch
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
