how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
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today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
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My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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