I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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