I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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