I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
