He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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