I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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