bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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