I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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