I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
