he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My cat gives me a boner
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
