my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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