she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
