before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I miss vodka workout Fridays
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
