When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
