nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
