i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
