got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
