Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
