i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
