are you still at the devil's house?
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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