You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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