She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
