Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
