So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
