This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
