There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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