twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
