I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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