My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
