Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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