remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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